OK, ok, I'll give you a serious suggestion.
Assuming the tanks aren't downstairs or something, you can use the python hose to simply start a syphon, and drop the "other" end of the python hose into the toilet. It's easy to start it by filling the gravel vac, letting it mostly drain into the hose, and then submerging it again to let the air out. MOST PEOPLE SHOULD BE DOING THIS ANYHOW. Python's venturi adapter wastes a tremendous amount of water -- depending on elevation and what not, it can be anywhere from 5-20 times the amount of water you're draining (so, if you do a 10-gallon change, you've used 50-200 gallons of water to do it).
You can, of course, also drop the hose out the window and into the vegetable garden, too, which is even better. Unless it's a marine tank.
To get the water back into the tank, you're going to need to get yourself a Brute garbage can, label it "FISH TANK ONLY" and buy a set of wheels. The wheels are really hard to find, and you may wind up ordering them online. Park that thing in front of your sink, pull the faucet head down, and use a $1 quick clamp (the spring loaded ones) to hold it in place. Turn it on, fill up the brute, add your dechlorinator, and wheel it to the tank. Get a Little Giant sump pump (about $50-80, you can get cheaper ones at Harbour Freight for as little as $15, but they won't last) and a length of regular garden hose (a "leader hose"). Drop that into the brute, plug it in, and fill the tank.
You're going to learn the smoothest route between sink and tank fast. Things like lintels are not your friend.